(This Letter to the Editor is in direct relation to the March 6 Op-Ed by Vista Rise. The author’s name has been removed due to the sensitive nature of the article.)
When survivors watch the headlines, they are really watching us. That is the powerful reminder in Vista Rise Collective’s recent op-ed published right here in South Tahoe Now. Survivors are gauging whether their community — and its systems — will listen, believe, and respond with dignity rather than doubt. Belief, as Vista Rise so clearly states, is not the end of fairness; it is the beginning of justice.
I am one of those survivors. For more than a year, I endured relentless false accusations of infidelity that escalated into severe emotional and psychological abuse. This escalated further to the stalking and harassment of innocent third parties. Trapped by finances and unable to leave safely, I turned to the local experts. I received treatment and guidance from Vista Rise Collective (formerly Live Violence Free). I don’t know where I would be today without their invaluable guidance and care.
With the support of my domestic abuse counselor at Vista Rise, I sought protection through the El Dorado County Superior Court in South Lake Tahoe. I brought forward clear evidence, third-party testimony, and the letter from Vista Rise documenting the abuse I endured and flatly calling it “domestic violence.” None of it mattered. Commissioner Michael Friel, presiding in Department 12, dismissed the endless pattern of false accusations as irrelevant and the daily abuse as nothing more than a “persistent annoyance.” He ruled that my emotional and distressed reactions to the daily, nonstop accusations were the real abuse. He ruled against me, removed me from my home, and severely limited my time with my children. Up is down. Black is white. Abuse is annoyance, and victimhood is abuse.
Later, a full investigation from Child Protective Services was opened after my ex-spouse, in yet another attempt to frame me as the abuser, tried to claim I was abusing her and our children. My Vista Rise counselor explained this is a classic tactic: when victims seek safety, abusers often flip the script and claim they are the real victims. CPS closed the case as inconclusive on the allegations against me and instead raised concerns about the other parent’s conduct. Yet another professional reviewed my situation and saw the harm I was experiencing in ways the court did not.
Domestic violence experts in our town and the domestic violence court operate with two starkly different definitions of what counts as abuse. The clinicians and investigators who work with survivors every day saw the harm clearly. While again, the court did not.
Fathers in our community need to hear this warning: if you seek help and protection from the domestic violence court in El Dorado Superior Court, South Lake Tahoe branch, Department 12, do not expect the fair treatment you would reasonably anticipate — even when local domestic violence experts stand with you. I certainly did not receive it.
Every survivor — male or female — deserves the dignity Vista Rise champions. Our courts must align with the very experts who serve our community daily. Safer families are built when belief and evidence lead, not when they are ignored.
A Local Survivor and Father
South Lake Tahoe