By McAvoy Layne…Smitty moved from Las Vegas to Maui in the seventies, dramatically changing his lifestyle from a well-healed casino croupier to a barefoot Hana cave dweller. We had a running club on Maui and Smitty jumped right in. He was a talker, and the baldest man I ever met. I saw a fly try to land on Smitty’s head one day and that fly slipped and broke a leg…
I helped him move into his new home in Hana, a cave set into the cliff overlooking Heavenly Hana beach, at Koki Park. It didn’t take but ten minutes to move him in as he had hardly any belongings. Then we went for a run on the beach…
He kept a small garden next to his cave, and seemed satisfied to live on seeds, seaweed and shellfish.
One day, while out running, I told Smitty I was going to Las Vegas for the weekend. He smiled a knowing smile and asked innocently enough, “Mac, would you like a number to call for some female companionship? You might get lonely out there on the strip.” Apparently, Smitty was quite a swinger in his ramblin’-gamblin’ days.
I remember Smitty giving everybody a hug after a run one day, and my girlfriend asking me, “Honey, who is that interesting man?”
“That’s my bookie, Honey, Smitty. He knows more about football than John Madden.”
Smitty ran the Maui Marathon barefoot, with J-E-S-U-S S-A-V-E-S printed on his toes. He finished in under three hours, then retreated to his Hana cave without partaking in the apre race party. Besides, he had to get back to his unofficial job as the lifeguard of Koki Beach. He also considered himself to be the Beach Kahuna, and as such he would police any and all litter every morning after a sunrise swim…
He told me once that he would use his portable radio to listen to kids asking me a riddle each morning on the air at 6:30. I never did get a riddle right, so Smitty guessed that’s why they called me the king, and he had a laugh at that…
Smitty was at home one morning when the ledge he lived on gave way and carried him to his death beneath a pile of Hana cinder. If ever there was an act of God that was identifiable to me, that was it…
The Maui Sun asked me about Smitty, and I recently came across what I said at the time: “I loved that guy. We have to believe he’s up there acting as race director for Jesus.”
That was March of 1984. I imagine by now Smitty is in charge of all foot races in heaven and is delivering the pre-race blessings himself. And if after the race you just happen to have a pair of dice on you, well, you might want to sit down next to Smitty and test your luck…
Everybody loved Born Again Smitty. May his beautiful Hana soul rest in eternal marathons…
Audio: https://open.spotify.com/show/7Fhv4PrH1UuwlhbnTT23zO
— For more than 35 years, in over 4,000 performances, columnist and Chautauquan McAvoy Layne has been dedicated to preserving the wit and wisdom of “The Wild Humorist of the Pacific Slope,” Mark Twain. As Layne puts it: “It’s like being a Monday through Friday preacher, whose sermon, though not reverently pious, is fervently American.”