By McAvoy Layne…Sometime early on in my career as an impressionist of Mark Twain, around 1988, I was invited to speak at the new Lloyd George Federal Building in Las Vegas, and once I passed through security, I saw a spectacular portrait of Judge Lloyd George, whom I supposed was long-gone, but I was happily mistaken. There, standing in front of me, was Judge Lloyd George himself, extending his hand and inviting me up to his office.

I have never seen an office quite like it. Dark mahogany highlighted by exotic flowers, replete with a full bar and bust of Mark Twain. I wanted to live there…

Judge Lloyd George talked like he had known me all his life…

“Sam, when I was a teen, I lifeguarded at the Sands, and one morning around nine o’clock, I took a call in my tower from Mr. Sinatra’s bungalow just off the main pool. He asked if I could bring him two chairs and a screwdriver.  Well, when I turned the corner of his private pool with the items, there he was in his lounge chair, smoking a cigarette all by himself.

“Here you are, Mr. Sinatra, just as you ordered, two chairs and a screwdriver,” I said with an air of accomplishment.

“Two chairs and a screwdriver?!  I said two beers and a screwdriver!”

Sadly, Judge Lloyd George was promoted to glory in 2020. I hope to get to see him again one of these days. Wouldn’t it be nice to arrive at the Pearly Gates at a moment when St. Peter was taking a break, and Judge Lloyd George was standing tall at the gate? I can hear his melodic voice, “McAvoy, I thought you’d never make it, but here you are! Let’s take a walk together when St. Peter returns. I happen to know where Samuel Clemens likes to read and smoke.”

I picture the two of us intruding upon Samuel in his private smoking den, and Sam being somewhat perturbed. But Judge Lloyd George would be carrying a cooler, and would put Sam at ease by offering him a Nevada Lager, which is known to cause the lucky imbiber to think he owns the mint, the warm springs, and the capitol…

I hope this dream of mine comes true, and that I’m not in fact down below keeping the fires burning…

No, I hope to sit in on a conversation between Judge Lloyd George and Mark Twain that might sound something like this…

“So Sam, what do you think about President Teddy Roosevelt now that you’re up here?”

“Well, as I said in my autobiography, “I think the president is clearly insane in several ways, and insanest upon war and its supreme glories. I think he longs for a big war wherein he can spectacularly perform as chief general and chief admiral and go down in history as the only monarch of modern times that has served both offices at the same time.” 

I’ll close my prophetic dream here with that word from our mutual friend, Mark Twain…

Audio: https://open.spotify.com/show/7Fhv4PrH1UuwlhbnTT23zO

— For more than 35 years, in over 4,000 performances, columnist and Chautauquan McAvoy Layne has been dedicated to preserving the wit and wisdom of “The Wild Humorist of the Pacific Slope,” Mark Twain. As Layne puts it: “It’s like being a Monday through Friday preacher, whose sermon, though not reverently pious, is fervently American.”