Column: South Shore domestic violence survivors speak out

The following is the first of many stories that Blue Marie Balcita will be writing for South Tahoe Now on a myriad of subjects. Blue, a 19-year-old student at Lake Tahoe Community College, is the author of five books, a contributor to three more and recently started the college's new newspaper, 1974.

Do you know what it is like to look at the person you love and see hatred reflected back to you? Do you know what it is like to move mountains for a person
that wants to destroy you? Do you know what it is like to be afraid? I do and so do many men and women - young or old, white or black, rich or poor. The world can be a scary place especially when the person you love doubles as your judge, juror, and at times - your executioner.

For those of you out there that have experienced what I described - I write this
for you. For us. So that you know you are not alone.

“My name is B. And I want to tell you about the man that set my world on fire and
watched it burn. He was 25-years-older than me and he watched and waited
until he thought I was 18. The words he used, the feelings he stirred inside of
me, and the promise of acceptance he gave that I never knew before, drew me
into a 6-month long web of lies, pain, and tears. I was hurt in so many ways
and parts of me were broken. I eventually became so lost that I traveled all of
the way across the country to see him because he told me to go. All because I
loved a man that wanted to destroy me. And I remember, fleeing from his town
at 2:00 a.m. one night and sitting on the side of a gas station for hours waiting for a shuttle to come. Wondering how a person like me, someone that tried to be
kind and was successful, could fall so far. I was determined to pick myself up,
though. At the time, I thought I was so far gone but I wasn’t. I learned there’s
nothing you can’t come back from. What I would tell the men and women out there is to not settle for a partner that tries to hurt you, makes you feel crazy, and then tells you that they love you. You’re worth more. You’re amazing just
the way you are.”

“My name is K. I have two kids. And their father is not allowed to see them. He
lives in Tahoe too and tries stalking the three of us nearly all of the time as soon as we step outside of our house. I am not scared, though... I’m really not. I know that may shock people since my ex-husband would beat me and gaslight me. I
even have scars from when he pushed my head into our glass table as he was
physically assaulting me. But I am not afraid of him. Do you want to know why?
Because I am a survivor. I have my kids I have to protect. And I know now that
a man/partner that truly loves me wouldn’t treat me like that.”

“My name is M. I was born in a time where gay men weren’t allowed to be as free as they are now. I remember my first boyfriend was beaten within an inch of his life for simply kissing me. It was a hard time. A really hard time. Then, I met Prince Charming. He was perfect. He would fight off any person that would try to haze us. Then he would drink and he would hurt me - physically, emotionally, and mentally. Eventually, he would hurt even when he wasn’t drunk. He ruined my life. Then, I picked myself up again. I realized that he wasn’t worth it and that I could and would find someone better. And that’s something that I want the young gay men and women out there to know - you will find someone else, someone better than the partner you’re with that’s hurting you. I know because we’re gay it seems like it’s harder. Like the straight people far outnumber us and I know you may just want to give up. Don’t. Wait for the right one. I did. And I have been undeniably and uncontrollably happy with my husband for 44 years now.”

These are just a few of the survival stories of people that made it out of domestic violence relationships. The reality though is that some don’t survive and
domestic violence happens all too often. All over America - whether it be San
Francisco, New York, or South Lake Tahoe - men and women are suffering
from abuse. If you are in an abusive relationship or suffering the effects of an
abusive relationship, know it’s not your fault - know that you are not to blame.
Every minute 20 people are victims of intimate partner violence, according to
the Huffington Post.

If you are reading this and are in a domestic violence situation - reach out to
get help now by calling Live Violence Free at (530)-544-3367 or the National
Domestic Violence Hotline at (800)-799-7233.