Column: I’ve got a feeling, I’m not the only one

(Editor's note: This is the fourth in a regular feature by South Lake Tahoe-based Certified Wellness Coach and Advanced Integrative Therapist Krista Kline. Visit her website at www.kristaekline.com.)

I want to have fun and live life to the fullest, do it all, see it all! I love to laugh, spend time with family and friends, listen to music, travel, eat, try new things, be challenged, learn, help others, and the list goes on. What is on your list? What are you doing (or better yet, what aren't you doing) to have a little fun in your life?

So this week, I am drawing inspiration from one of my favorite singer/songwriters, Sheryl Crow. I have been following Sheryl since 1993 when her song All I Wanna Do (is have some fun) hit the charts and found its place on every radio station throughout the country and many parts of the world. I have belted out this song in my house, sang it at the top if my lungs in the car, in the shower, and had it running on a continuous and sometimes annoying loop in my head. The truth is, this quirky folkish song instantly makes me feel better anytime I sing it or hear it. Just out of college, the song brings me back to a time in my life that was full of possibilities.

All I wanna do is have some fun,
I’ve got a feeling, I’m not the only one.

But life challenges arose as years passed I began to feel overwhelmed and exhausted. I spent years jumping from job to job, chasing after money but lacking direction or fulfillment. I tried and failed numerous times at having a healthy relationship because I feared intimacy. I had struggled for years with my body image and weight. I had multiple sports injuries (and surgeries) which left me wondering if I wouldn’t be better off inside a large plastic bubble. My financial decisions were sub-par at best and my home was severely damaged in Hurricane Ike on the day I put it on the market to sell in 2008. My mental/emotional health was under siege, my self-esteem damaged and suddenly my theme song seemed more like “All I Wanna Do is Cry Myself to Sleep” and my desire to live a carefree life seemed a distant dream.

So what did I do? I cried. A lot actually. Yep, lots and lots of tears. Oh, and I felt really sorry for myself. You know, like “why me” and “aren’t I a good person?” kind of stuff. And when I finally got tired of shutting out the world, stuffing down my emotions with Ben and Jerry’s Chubby Hubby and avoiding my problems like the plague, I got a bit of clarity. I started reading. I started writing. I started figuring out why my life seemed like a wreck. And probably most importantly, I started talking to others about my struggles (rather than thinking I had to do it all on my own) and I began asking for help. And one by one, the areas of my life have started to fall into place. Now at 41 I’m having the time of my life and am more carefree than when I was 21. Don’t get me wrong. Not every day is full of rainbows and unicorns. But overall life is pretty good. And I’m still learning.

Over the last few weeks, what I have asked you to do is to begin thinking about and envisioning at least one change you’d like to make in your life, to begin thinking about what isn’t working, so that you (we) can begin calling into your life the things you do want. Got it? Have you written something down? OK. I’m trusting you. Now that you have that, let’s talk about how to begin getting what you want.

Right about the time when things were falling apart around me, I began researching methods of health and healing that went outside the norm and traditional mainstream modalities. I have held the belief through observation, personal experience and research that we are innately capable of healing our bodies and minds by thinking differently, acting differently and by understanding (and changing) the unhealthy patterns that keep us stuck. Now, as you can probably guess, knowing this and making it happen are two entirely different things. What I have learned however, and what I’ve already begun to talk about is that we have to start somewhere.

So, let’s get started:

— Create the vision or goal. Ask yourself right now what you want to be different in your life and then write it down. “I want to be fit and strong.” “I want to have healthy friendships and relationships.” “I want to be financially secure.” Don’t limit yourself to what you’ve had in your past. As part of this process it is important to break free from the belief that just because you haven’t achieved something before, you won’t be able to do it now. Realize that these thoughts, these doubts are, in fact, contributing to your “stuckness.”

As Henry Ford once said, “Whether you think you can, or you think you can't — you're right.” The power of our thoughts is enormous. So we must shift our thinking. Pay attention to what you’re saying to yourself. What kind of reel is playing in your head on a daily basis? Are you saying, “I can’t.” “I won’t be able to.” “It’s impossible” “I don’t deserve to.” Then guess what, you’re right!

— See it. Hear it. Feel it. Ok, so now that you’ve thrown the negativity aside for the moment and faced your fear of creating a new vision, we have to make it crystal clear. We do this by visualizing it, hearing it and feeling it AS IF IT’S ALREADY HAPPENED! Here is the trick. I want you to write down THREE very detailed scenarios about how you’re your life is going to change once you’ve achieved your goal. How are you going to look? How are you going to feel? What are you going to be doing? How do you know you’ve reached your goal?

In essence, you are retraining your brain and your body to accept a different reality. Your thoughts, your ideas, your actions will become your future.

Now, I understand that if you are not currently feeling this way, you might find it difficult to envision a positive future for yourself. But what we are creating here is a path, a positive outcome for the life you are heading towards. Without a new vision we will continue to create what we already have.

— Take action and believe. By taking action, I mean to say that you need to employ all of your resources. Talk to people. Write down your goals and visions in a place you’ll see often. Talk to more people like your friends, your colleagues, your family. Find a mentor, someone who has achieved the goal you’re aiming towards. Do research. Create a plan. Believe that you are capable of attaining your vision, even if you can’t figure out how yet.

— Be patient and compassionate with yourself. Now that you’ve created the vision it is really important to remind yourself on a daily basis that dreams, visions, goals take time. Olympians are not born overnight. If you want to lose 50 pounds and run a marathon it is not realistic to think that you’ll be able to achieve this in 30 days even if you’re watching people on The Biggest Loser drop 15 lbs a week! This is not reality folks. Most of us do not have a personal trainer pushing us 24/7, a nutritionist making us three square meals a day and a gym full of million-dollar equipment. Remind yourself that to make your vision come true, you need to take into account your real life obstacles.

— Never give up. Don’t let anything get in the way of your happiness. Your joy. The life you want to have. Of course there are obstacles. Of course there are the ups and downs that come with life. But you should know that even in the face of the most challenging of circumstances, there is light. There is love. There is hope for something better.

In the coming weeks I will discuss in more detail the obstacles that may be preventing you from attaining your goals because getting what you want out of life can be a challenging process. I understand that life is not always fun. In fact, I am acutely aware that life takes some not too pleasant turns. That many of us are facing some really dark times, very real fears, concerns, disease, financial uncertainty. I see people struggle everyday in the work I do. I hear people’s stories that bring tears to my eyes. And if I focused on all of the negativity that this world has to offer, I can tell you that I wouldn’t survive very long doing what I do.

But I also hear stories of triumph, perseverance, strength and love. I have seen people’s lives turn around. I have watched amazing transformations. That can be your story. The question is, are you ready to do the work?

You can change your life, oh yes you can. And maybe, just maybe, you can have some fun while you're at it.

— Writer Krista Kline is a Certified Wellness Coach and Advanced Integrative Therapist. Her mission and passion is to assist individuals in realizing their goals and dreams by clearing away the obstacles that are keeping them stuck. Her unique combination of wellness coaching and AIT helps her clients increase self-esteem, improve relationships, reduce anxiety and fear, transform self-sabotaging beliefs and attain balance and peace. Call (530) 400-6670 now for a free consultation. Visit her website here.
Follow Krista Kline on South Tahoe Now:

— March 5, 2012 Column: A Change Will Do You Good

— Feb. 21, 2012 Column: Getting Clear on The Life You Want

— Feb. 14, 2012 Column: Falling in Love All Over Again