Column: Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month

He’s not Romeo.

I know that you think that when he told you that he would love you forever, take care of you, and accept you, that he really meant it. Maybe it was the 13th “What are you doing?” text that made you believe he really cared. Maybe it was his “Is that your other boyfriend?” response when he saw you talking to another man that made you believe he truly valued you. Maybe it was when he said “No one will love you like I love you” that made you believe he was the only person that would truly accept you.

But, my dear, he is not Romeo. You’re not Juliet. Your love is not star-crossed.

I am sorry to tell you this, but that man that you love ever so dearly wants to destroy you. Control you. Possess you.

A man that loves you is not going to call you 12 times in a short period of time because you didn’t answer his first phone call. He wouldn’t try to coax you away from your family, your friends, and your life to be with him. He wouldn’t make you do things that you’re not comfortable doing. He wouldn’t hurt you then tell you he loves and that you’re crazy in the same breath.

I know that it’s hard to believe. It was hard for me to believe too when I was 17-years-old and I had a woman telling me the same thing. I am not trying to break your heart more so than it has already been broken.

You are worth more than what that man is giving you. The heartbreak you feel will pass. The pain that you may experience by leaving him goes away. This will pass in time.

While you’re still young travel, focus on your education and your dreams. There’s plenty of time to find love and it’s perfectly fine to live without it.

Every year, approximately 1.5 million high school students nationwide experience physical abuse from a dating partner. It is also known that 3 in 4 parents have never talked to their children about domestic violence. In light of these alarming facts, every year during the month of February advocates join efforts to raise awareness about dating violence, highlight promising practices, and encourage communities to get involved.

If you feel that you are in a violent relationship, reach out for help now by calling Live Violence Free at 1-530-544-4444 or 911 if you are in a dangerous situation.

Teen dating violence (TDV) is defined as a pattern of abuse or threat of abuse against teenage dating partners, occurring in different forms, including verbal, emotional, physical, sexual and digital. TDV occurs across diverse groups and cultures.

Although the dynamics of TDV are similar to adult domestic violence, the forms and experience of TDV, as well as the challenges in seeking and providing services, make the problem of TDV unique.

Telling the difference between healthy, unhealthy and abusive relationships can be difficult. Although no two relationships are the same, these are common warning signs of dating abuse from BreakTheCycle.org:

- Checking cell phones, emails or social networks without permission
- Extreme jealousy or insecurity
- Constant belittling or put-downs
- Explosive temper
- Isolation from family and friends
- Making false accusations
- Constant mood swings towards you
- Physically inflicting pain or hurt in any way
- Possessiveness
- Telling someone what to do
- Repeatedly pressuring someone to have sex

(Author Blue Marie Balcita is writing for South Tahoe Now on a myriad of subjects. Blue, a 19-year-old student at Lake Tahoe Community College, is the author of five books, a contributor to three more and recently started the college's new newspaper, 1974.)