Column: Love yourself before you love someone else

We All Wear Many Hats
My life has been a series of hats, labels, and roles. I have been a babysitter, library volunteer, dishwasher, waitress, security guard, bartender, teacher, flower delivery girl, nanny, counselor, and coach. I have played the roles of daughter, sister, friend, wife, colleague, employee, and boss. All of these are just labels that make what I am doing at the moment a bit easier to explain. Ultimately, there is just one word to describe me and that is: Self.

Which You Are You?

According to the philosophies of Yoga, there are two versions of you. One is driven by desire, self-service, distraction, and the past; the self. The other is driven by peace, contentment, service, and divinity; the Self. You see, the lower-case “s” self is the ego and the upper-case “Self” is the truest version of you. Think of all of the roles you have played in your life. How many of them helped you to feel peaceful, content, generous and whole?

I didn’t truly understand these concepts until I was in college. A friend of mine is a hopeless romantic. She would fall in love during the first date and fall apart after the last date. She wanted to be what “he” was searching for rather than be her Self. She was allowing her ego to take the lead; she was driven by desire. It wasn’t until she dated a cheater that she was enlightened to how this behavior was unhealthy. She provided the perfect mirror for me to see how I often behave in the same way.

Perception is Spoon Fed
Our culture has become obsessed with looking good, fitting in, being noticed, being labeled and being seen. There is a general desire to be noticed regardless of the reason. Social media has allowed us to value labels more than relationships. It is time to stop looking for approval from others and begin looking for your Self. After all, you are the only one who is going to be there, with you, always.

In any relationship there is give and take and a desire to create harmony. We begin the relationship as amiable and kind. As the relationship continues we become more and more ourselves. This can make or break the relationship. Step back from your current relationship and witness yourself. Are you truly being You, or are you being who the other person expects you to be? Are you being authentic or allowing your ego to have the control?

Be Your Self

There are two quotes that I reflect upon on a regular basis, both of them were offered to me by friends. The first is, “Is this person here for a reason, a season, or a lifetime?” The second, “Does this person make me better?” I encourage you to begin a practice of considering these two questions in regard to yourself as well as those who enter your life. Instead of becoming what you think everyone else wants you to be, just be your Self. Be honest, be peaceful, be content, be divine. The more you practice being your Self, the more easily you will be able to discern among those with whom you spend your time. You will begin to place more value upon your relationships, and you may just end up falling in love with your Self.

Jenay Aiksnoras, B.S. Psychology, M.S. Counseling, ERYT500 has owned Lake Tahoe Yoga LTD since 2008. She has been guiding Yoga practitioners since 2005. She developed and practices a unique therapeutic Yoga technique called Realignment Coaching that brings together the practices of Yoga, Ayruveda and Counseling. She has guided practitioners to prevent injury and heal from many physical and mental health needs.